![]() ![]() She is worried about me I did use a personal credit card, and if the information is released, I may be in danger.īut I am not worried. My affair partner did not have to enter any credit card information, so she is not worried about herself. In the midst of our struggle to determine how our futures would unfold together, the Ashley Madison hack happened. We were only seeking to satisfy our sexual needs, but we understood that our chemistry and desire to be together is too powerful and undeniable. Some months later we finally admitted to each other that we had fallen in love, even though neither of us was looking for it. During our fourth or fifth meeting, it became clear that we weren’t just having sex. We continued to meet, spending as much time talking as we did having sex, sometimes more. In the weeks afterwards I learned that in addition to every other attribute she had that I was so attracted to, she was also witty, caring, insightful, kind, thoughtful – my wordcount is limited so I can’t go on. I knew I would never be able to have purely anonymous sex devoid of any intellectual attachment, and once I knew we had that, the sex followed naturally. That night, we talked at length and got to know each other on a personal level. We agreed to meet again later that week at my house as my wife was going out of town for the weekend. She was 11 years older than me, professional, intelligent, and attractive. As we sat in her car and talked in person, all my anxieties faded. Our first meeting happened in a car pool lot. We were seeking the same thing: no-strings-attached sex. We agreed to meet in a public setting after it was obvious in writing that we would be compatible enough to take our relationship to the next level. Can it hurt to meet her and see? On your deathbed, will you regret never having taken this chance? Was I really the kind of man to do this? Look how beautiful she is, you can’t pass this up. When she sent me her picture and I saw how good-looking she was, the reality of what I was doing hit me for the first time. We exchanged messages on the website then things moved naturally to email. Within a week I had established contact with a woman in a nearby city. I then spent a considerable amount of time writing my profile in the hopes of attracting the kind of woman I had always fantasised about: older, professional, intelligent, witty, attractive. I uploaded a photo of my upper body and used the black bar feature to remove my eyes. It was the first time I’d ever used a dating website, so my experience was limited, but it was easy enough to get started. I knew of Ashley Madison and in an impulsive decision one evening decided to open an account. We really have had a comfortable life, but I reached a point where I was ready to act on my long-repressed desires and impulses, to broaden my horizons, even if it meant risking that life in search of what it meant to actually live. I had married out of convenience and safety with little regard for anything deeper, other than the avoidance of any kind of insecurity, pain, or challenge. I realised that the love I have for my wife is and has always been far more platonic than romantic. My libido has increased with age, and with this I grew more dissatisfied and resentful of the prospect of a sexually unfulfilled life.Īs time passed, I reflected on my limited experiences in light of the realisation that I may spend the rest of my life fundamentally unsatisfied. But the passion is gone, and a couple of years ago my physical attraction to my wife waned due to her weight gain. Our sex life is satisfactory: once a week and in basic positions. We’re great friends, make each other laugh, and have enjoyed a decade’s worth of inside jokes and idiosyncrasies. In the 12 years that followed, I felt comfortable in marriage. ![]()
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